If talk about labor, blood, or other bodily fluids disgust youā¦..this might not be the post for you! š It is pretty long but I didnāt want to forget anything!
Our story begins on Tuesday June 15th when I woke with major cramps & contractions. I had been having both for the past 2 weeks, but something felt a little different that morning. Throughout the day they continued though nothing was time able or showed any sort of patternā¦..they werenāt even really painful, just annoying! I also started bleeding and passing small clots which were a completely new thing. I told Dan it looked like things might be coming soon.
I was awake all night on Tuesday having some anxiety attacks about being home alone while Dan was at work. It has never bothered me before & we had talked about what we should do if I went into labor while he was working but I just couldnāt calm down. I think my mind had an idea something was about to start!
At 4:15am Wednesday, June 16th I went to roll over in bed and felt a very distinctive āpopā. I automatically leaped from the bed and into the bathroomā¦..sure enough my water had broken!! I was also having contractions but they were small and sporadic. I called Dan to let him know what was going on ā pretty sure it was the longest 3 Ā½ hours he has ever spent at work!! While I waited on him to get off I decided to get all the little items packed that werenāt yet & throw in a load of laundry. The contractions finally started getting into a pattern so I started timing them at 5-6 min apart, 30-40 sec long. We had long decided that we wanted to labor at home as long as possible since I really wanted to go med/intervention free. I called my OB to let her know that my water had broken and she advised me to stay at home until the pain became too much or they were 3 min apart lasting for over a min each. Dan finally arrived home and we decided to take a walk around the neighborhood to see if I could get the contractions to increase in time/duration. Unfortunately the opposite seemed to happenā¦..they stopped!!!
I had a big fear of labor stalling and Dan thought that maybe I was stressing myself out (causing the contractions to disappear) so while he laid down for a quick nap around 10:30 I decided to sit in the rocking chair (which usually made me contract) and listen to one of my hypnobabies CDs to relax. I ended up falling asleep and waking up to my OB calling around 11:30 to see how I was progressing. Once I admitted that the contractions had pretty much gone away she told me to give it another hour and then head to the hospital (it had been 7hrs since my water broke) so they could examine me & we could discuss options.
I can honestly say I felt so defeated at that point! I just knew I was going to show up at the hospital, get strapped to the bed, and started on pitocin. I was terrified of the pitocin because it usually makes contractions much much more intense than natural contractions and most women end up needing the epidural to get through them.
At noon I woke Dan up and we grabbed our bags to start heading out. On the way to the hospital we joked about just jolting the kiddo out (it is pothole season in Chicago)ā¦.but weirdly enough hitting the holes actually started my contractions back up! We headed into triage where they verified that it was my bag of waters that had broken and the monitor showed small contractions every 6-7 minutes (most of which I wasnāt feeling). I was officially admitted and headed upstairs to the delivery room around 1:30pm! Once there I was started on an IV (originally I was only going to allow a hep-lock for emergencies but decided to go ahead and allow fluids since I was having a hard time drinking water without getting nauseous! I then met with the nurse midwife that was on call (the OB on call was busy) and we discussed allowing me to try a little longer to get things going without the pitocin. So Dan and I started pacing the hallways. Around 2pm the OB on call came to get us and started pushing the pitocinā¦.exactly like I expected! I wasnāt comfortable with that yet because my contractions had started to intensify though they were still 5-6 min. apart. Luckily my nurse was amazing and sided with us! š I asked the OB to check me first and see if any progress had been made. She wasnāt happy about it but decided to go ahead and we were all surprised to find out I was at 5cm! I had been 3+ just a few days before so something was working! She also discovered that my bag of waters had resealed and we agreed to let her re-pop it if we could continue to labor without pitocin.
As soon as she popped the membranes my contractions started getting extremely intense! Wow! Major difference! We continued to walk the halls until they got to the point where I was having trouble standing through them. We headed back to the room and requested a birthing ball so I could sit and bounce. The ball felt amazing BUT it always seemed to slow the contractions down. Grrr!! I knew the clock was ticking so we decided to pace the room (me leaning on Dan when the contractions started) and do short stints on the ball when I got shaky from the pain. We did this for about 2 hrs and my contractions started getting extremely strong and close together (1-2 minutes lasting around a minute). The pain was completely different than I expected and it was hard to figure out what helped me get through it! Sitting on the ball was nice but it was hard to balance when the pain hit. I was getting extremely tired and just wanted to lean against somethingā¦.but that made the pain 10X worse!! I wanted so badly to lie in bed and close my eyes but that made things unbearable (I think that was the only time I actually screamed out! We got me up from there quickly!!) š Poor Dan was running around trying everything: massage, counter pressure (back pain had started), swaying. Etcā¦.A few times I broke down and started panicking that I couldnāt handle it and luckily each time he was there to calm me down, refocus me, and let me know how proud he was.
I had prepared for labor using the hypnobabies technique (which I highly recommend!) and the plan had been for me to listen to the CDs during laborā¦.but it ended up that I couldnāt handle any type of sound during contractions so that idea flew out the window! I still feel that they helped me through much of my active labor because I used the techniques to make sure I relaxed my muscles during the contractions and not fight the pain. Each time I felt a contraction hit I would try to relax all my muscles (not easy!) and would close my eyes whispering deeper & deeper or just counting down 5 to 1. For some reason counting down helped me a lot! I would just keep doing it until the contraction passed.
Around 5:30 the pain got extremely intense and I kept feeling like I had to go to the bathroom. The OB came back in to check me (a little shame faced I might add!) and I was just over 7cm! We had hit transition!!!! I knew that while this was usually the shortest part of labor it was also the hardest/most intense. Iām not going to lieā¦.the next hour and a half was the longest and hardest of my entire life. My contractions were coming back to back and extremely strong. I kept thinking I had to go to the bathroom because of the pressure (once again the pressure was totally different than what I had been expecting!! There was no vaginal pressureā¦..all rectal!). My nurse got me a chair that has the middle of the seat cut out (similar to a toilet) to sit on which helped greatly (allowed the baby to push down without meeting resistance). The pain was still incredible and I was so tired I kept nodding off during the few seconds I had between contractions. I had been told my other momās who had done a natural birth that this was the point when I would want to give up and get some drugs. That is 100% true. Around 6:30pm I panicked and broke down to Dan telling him that I couldnāt do this. I know it was extremely hard for him to see me like this and we cried together several times. It if hadnāt been for him and my amazing nurse coaching me on I know I would not have been able to persevere. Around 7pm my nurse decided to check me since I was having so much pressure and we were at 9cm! One side of my cervix was almost at 10 so we were extremely close!
About 30 minutes later I started moaning that I had to push, I NEEDED to push. I got back in bed & my nurse checked again. I still had a small lip of cervix but she thought I could probably push around it so the OB was paged (luckily a new one had just come on shift!!). At 7:30 I started pushing (yep I was āthat patientā that started at change of shiftā¦.haha!). Once again, the pain of pushing was much different than I expected!! Everyone told me it would be a relief to pushā¦..I did not feel that at ALL! I wanted to push because I knew it was the only way for the pain to end (and my body was pushing whether I wanted it to or not!) but I didnāt feel the āreliefā.
I had planned to not do the āred-facedā pushing (you know the typeā¦.push down hard, count to 10ā¦.) and was hoping to ābreathe the baby outā as taught in the hypnobabies course. My body on the other hand had other ideas! Each time a contraction hit I would bear down hard automatically. Red-faced 100%! I kept trying to hold back (especially when the baby was crowning since that is the best way not to tear!) but I couldnāt stop it! After an hour of pushing my beautiful baby girl was born!!! The OB had me catch the baby and pull her up to my chest. Amazing! Everything was so crazy that for a minute I forgot that we didnāt even know if it was a boy or girl!! I had asked that Dan be the one to announce it but my OB had to remind him and grab her leg so he could see!! Considering that EVERYONE had predicted a boy I was shocked to see that she was definitely a little girl!!! I started laughing and Dan started crying. It was the most amazing moment of my life.
Harper Jane weighed in at 6lbs 15ozs and 19 inches long. I was expecting a much bigger baby and canāt believe how small she is! We did some skin to skin right away and she latched on automatically (she is awesome at breastfeeding!). I ended up having a small maternal hemorrhage which was scary for both Dan and I and the next few hours were a little struggle between the hormone changes, blood loss, and shock. Luckily they managed to get the bleeding to stop (I had to get a LR bolus, 2X the normal dose of pitocin, cytotec, AND a shot of something I didnāt catch the name of! I am so thankful that I had an IV placed!!) but the first 2 hours are kind of hazy to me! Much to everyoneās shock I only had a small 1st degree tear that needed a few stitches. The OB was amazed! With how I was pushing she thought I would be pretty messed up!
Even though I felt like I lost control several times during labor (especially at the end), everyone kept talking about how they had never seen a labor like it! Going natural is NOT common at my hospital and none of the staff had even heard of hypnobabies! People kept popping in to get a glimpse of the āquiet hypnoā mom. Kind of funny! The OB kept commenting on how I was quieter than many of their moms with epidurals ā especially during pushing. I guess looking back I was pretty quiet 95% of the time!
So far recovery is going well! Sore and exhausted (running on about 3 Ā½ hrs of sleep at this point) but I canāt stop staring at my amazing little girl! I still donāt think it has sunk in yet that she is mine!! She looks just like her daddy and is the most gorgeous baby Iāve ever seen! Pure love!
Going natural was the hardest and most intense thing I have ever done, and I would do it again 100%! Being confined to a bed and immobile (for the most part) terrifies me and Iāve witnessed too many times where the epidural didnāt take or caused severe spinal headaches. For me it just wasnāt an option I wanted to consider. I spent the last 9 months mentally preparing myself for labor and birth. Our bodies were created to have children and it is amazing what it can do if you allow it. There is no medal given for having natural childbirth, and it is not for everyone, but I feel like I won a gold medal that I get to keep deep inside my heart. I set out to see what my body could do (and I am a wuss with pain!) and it did so much more than I ever imagined! Iām sure my body will never look the same as it did before my daughter (although I did manage to get NO stretch marks!! Crazy!) but I have a whole new respect for it.
That is all I have for now! Iām going to go back to holding and loving on my gorgeous little girl!! I am a mommy!!!!!
My gorgeous 1 week old!!
Happy Father’s Day Daddy!
That smile melts my heart!
Sleeping princess!
Her favorite nap spot…right on Daddy!
Passports & Prams 