730 Days….

Baby Girl,

730 Days….2 years. That is how long you have been in our lives. 730 days of the most amazing days of my life. Nothing could have prepared me for how much I would love you…how much you would change me. The fastest 730 days I have ever known.

2 years ago I was walking around trying to get contractions started after my water broke. I was anxious, excited, scared….clueless! Now I sit here getting ready to head to CA with my sweet gorgeous toddler! Everytime I think my heart is full and that I could not possibly love you more you do something that makes my heart stop and I realize that it will never be full…it keeps growing with you.

We are entering the “terrible twos”, a time that I have feared since I saw two lines on the pregnancy test! 😉  You have changed so much and I can’t believe that the newborn/infant/baby period is far behind us! You have started to show your terrible twosome side and can throw a fit like a champ….but compared to other kiddos we are around you are so sweet and mild tempered! You know exactly what buttons to push to drive me insane but have an amazing ability to wipe it all away with a hug or kiss right before I lose it. That is some skill my dear! 😉  You are a huge cuddle-bug still…you don’t want to stay still for long but you are always running over for a quick hug and kiss. I love it. You are incredibly smart and have realized that while I can say “no” to a request to be carried I can never say “no” to a request for a hug. Now you always ask for a hug and then cling like the monkey you are so I have to carry you. Little devil! 😉

You are running everywhere and talking up a storm. You have transitioned into a little parrot who repeats everything I say….meaning I need to be more careful around you! You can count to 10 and sing your ABCs. You are working on your colors and getting close to knowing them all! 🙂  I am so proud of every little accomplishment! How quickly you learn amazes me every day.

There is nothing “baby” about you anymore. You are pure little girl. You moved out of your crib and weaned from breastfeeding at 19 months. You started sleeping through the night consistently around 22 months (I do love that part!) and we recently updated your nursery to be an official big girl room. Your very own big girl bed. You love it! You look so tiny in it….makes me flashback to how tiny you looked in your crib the day we brought you home. It makes my heart hurt. In just a few short months you will be a big sister. I cannot wait to see you in your new role and I know you will be an amazing big sister…yet at the same time it breaks my heart because YOU are my baby. I can’t imagine you as anything else. You will always be my baby no matter how big you get. I am just going to try and cherish these last few months of just mommy (or mammy as you say) and Harper.

I wish I could make time rewind..or stop..or at least slow down. The second year went faster than the first. I am terrified for the future. I wish I could make you know how much I love you, how special you are to me….but I know that knowledge won’t come until you hold your own babies and watch them grow.

Boo-Ba you are my everything. My reason for each day. We are starting a new adventure together with Daddy being deployed. It is going to be rough but I know we can succeed together!

I love you little monkey! XXOO

Mommy

First Bump Photos

It seems crazy to me that I can start taking baby bump pictures this soon! I kept blaming my too tight jeans on the horrible 1st trimester bloat. I blamed it on that until I went to the midwife and she confirmed that nope it is definitely a baby bump (with probably some bloat as well!) because my uterus has pushed past my pelvic. I knew that it happened earlier with second pregnancies but WOW! I was not expecting it this quick! I didn’t begin to “pop” with Harper until 17wks…and it wasn’t really noticeable to others until closer to 20wks. This time though I have already gotten comments and although I am a little embarrassed when I admit how early it is, I have decided to embrase the belly and not try to hide it in uncomfortable clothes! 🙂   So now is as good as time as any to start documenting how this pregnancy goes!

Week 10 Photo:

10 weeks!

Weekly Update:

• How far along? 10wks, 3 days
• How big is baby? 2 inches and around 3ozs! The size of a little lime!
• Total weight gain/loss: approx (+) 1 lbs! I was so sick with Harper that I didn’t start to gain weight until the 26wk mark but I will gladly trade a few pounds for not being sick so much!
• Stretch marks? Nope – I did not get any with Harper but everyone seems to relish in telling me about how 2nd babies are when they love to appear. 😦
• Sleep: Not good. I’m blaming it on having to pee 20X a night but I really think it is because the bed is too big & lonely. I broke out the snoogle this week so hopefully that helps!
• Best moment this week: Hitting double digits! I can’t believe this pregnancy is already 25% over!
• Movement: Nope. I felt Harper for the first time at 17wks exactly so I’m hoping next month I get the flutters!
• Food cravings: Anything that sounds good right now! Why is it that when you are pregnant and want to eat healthy the idea of healthy foods makes you gag & run to the bathroom?! The only things that sound good to me are salty, greasy foods….things I rarely eat normally.
• Gender: No idea and we have decided to wait again until delivery! 🙂
• Labor Signs: Heck no!
• Belly Button in or out? In. It never really recovered from Harper (it has looked more stretched out since my pregnancy with her) so I’m curious to see what it does this time!
• What I miss: My husband!!! Oh pregnancy related? Wine!
• What I am looking forward to: 13 weeks and getting out of the 1st trimester….hopefully my energy comes back because I need it with this crazy kid running around!
• Weekly Wisdom: Don’t ever think you are in the clear from getting sick. I was doing great until week 10 and then BAM it hit 😦  Luckily it just seems to be a few bad days here and there, but they stink!
• Milestones: 25% done!

Here we go!

Deployment…it has come at last. I can honestly say I am so freaking happy it has started. The pre-deployment period is one that I don’t think I would wish upon my worst enemy. Every single day leading up to the big day was a step closer to hell. We spent one day having a birthday celebration for Harper so Daddy could enjoy the occasion. We went to Sea World for the day and then headed home for yummy cupcakes and presents. Parties are great but I love how we always do the “real” celebration low-key and just immediate family. I still can’t believe we were celebrating 2yrs (although we still have a week until the real day hits!). His final day at home seemed so surreal. We ran errands and he wrapped up a few house projects that were bugging him.

I don’t think either of us slept a wink.

The send-off was better & worse than I had imagined it. I couldn’t stop shaking the whole way to the airport but I kept trying to behave as if nothing was wrong so I didn’t worry him. There were a lot of other airmen with families checking in to their flight and looking around I couldn’t stop the tears from coming up. We got him checked in and said hello to his Major who came to wish him well (she impressed me with that gesture!). All too soon it was time for him to head to the gate. I could have gotten a pass to accompany him all the way to his gate but we decided last minute that it would be easier to get it over with without all the eyes on us.

It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Nothing could have prepared me for that final goodbye.

I turned around and walked away without looking back….I couldn’t…I was crying too hard. Harper and I drove home where I preceded to allow myself a 24hr pity party. We watched movies all day (lazy mommy) and I ate as much junk food/ice cream as I wanted. I think I gained 10lbs that weekend! 😉

It took him almost a week to get to his destination (they make several stops obviously) and he said the flight was horrible. Cramped, hot, loud, and long! He is settled now and trying to get used to his new reality. He works 6 twelve hour shifts a week….which I cannot even imagine! I can tell he is already tired and I know the burn out is going to be hard once he is done, but he is loving being back with adult trauma patients and apparently has a pretty good crew with him. He got no orientation since they apparently got a huge influx of patients right before he landed so they just threw them right into the mix. I would have cried but luckily Dan thrives in that type of environment! 🙂

As for Harper and I back home we are powering through as best we can. My survival comes from getting out of the house as much as humanly possible. I try to get out after breakfast/shower to head to an indoor play area for Harper (or playgroup meeting). I let her run like a crazy kid until lunchtime where we head home for for a quick bite to eat and to grab the gym bag. We spend the next 2hrs at the gym followed by some time at the pool (if it isn’t too hot/crowded)….that gets us to mid afternoon where we head back home so she can play and I can get dinner ready. Being on the go all day is absolutely exhausting but it makes the day pass and keeps my crazy girl from driving me insane! 😉  My goal has been to keep Harper away from all “screens” (TV, iphone, ipad, etc…). I know how easy it would be to rely on that to get a little quiet time and it isn’t a road I really want to travel down. I can’t claim 100% success since my morning sickness decided to rear it’s ugly little head around week 10 and sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, but at least 5-6 days a week we get through with no “screen time”. I’m happy with that! 🙂

For now we stay busy and wait anxiously for a call from Dan. He usually calls once a day after his shift is over and we get a few minutes of face to face time over the phone/computer. The connection is horrible and everything is in short little bursts followed by a lot of frozen time….but at least we get that little bit. It’s more than a lot of families get. Emotionally I feel as though I’m hanging by a string. Everyone says I’m strong and I’m doing so good…but I honestly feel like I’m one step away from breaking down. I’m sure the pregnancy hormones are not helping that one bit! It doesn’t take much to make me cry at this point. I’ve broken down a few times at the gym which was pretty embarrassing so now I make sure I go to the machines by the TVs showing stupid trashy reality stuff. The ones with the local news or CNN are too dangerous! I can’t take anything sad or military related at all!

All I know is I am going to keep looking forward to the next day and celebrating the weeks as they go by….I can’t look further than that at this point. Eventually those days will add up and he will be home.