Sleepless Rambles

Every day I think of multiple things to blog about…..but then life happens and I never find time to actually do it! This blog started as a way to keep family informed on what was going on in our lives and allow them to “watch” Harper grow. It still serves that purpose but it has also become more of an online journal for me. A place I can throw down those thoughts and a way to keep record of my life that seems to be spinning at a whirlwind pace! I love going back and reading entries from previous years….it is amazing how much you forget! 🙂

This entry has a high likelihood of containing broken thoughts, jumped around topics, and a little mumbo-jumbo. I have been living on approx 2-5hrs of very broken sleep for the last two weeks and I barely have two brain cells that work at this point! Harper has always been known as a crappy sleeper (hence the nickname “no nap queen”) but since turning two her overnight sleep has actually been great…..going down at 7-7:30 and waking up around 6-6:30 (man I miss sleeping in!). She never takes naps so the days are long and tiring but at least my nights were restful! I knew it was going to be hard with #2 because the options for blissful family naps during the day to make up for long nights would be over….and boy is it! I now laugh at the old “mommy of one” me that thought she knew sleep depravation. This is a whole new level of hell! Deep down I always worried that I was the reason Harper was such a crappy sleeper. When she was a newbie I loved loved loved holding her all.the.time. If I was awake then she was in my arms. We didn’t even try to establish a real night routine or bedtime until waaaay too late. With Jake I have found that while I would love to hold him all night I NEED that short window of time to myself. Being a stay-at-home mom means I’m “on” all day/every day…..2hrs of non-mommy time before bed is sometimes the only thing that keeps me sane! Jake has had a routine/bedtime since about 1mo old. It worked for about 2wks and I was feeling all proud. Super mom right here! Then Jake came out of his “newborn coma” and decided he wanted to party! Add to that the beginning of teething and my nights are loooooong! During the day sleep is impossible because of a rowdy almost 3yr old who doesn’t nap and wants to PLAY!!! Add into the mixture Dan going to night shifts for 3 months (meaning no help at night and having to keep the kids out of the house all day)….this mommy is a zombie. I have made peace with the idea that I created Harper’s sleep issues. Nope, I just do not give birth to kids that like to sleep! Days are a foggy haze and we have had a few days I refuse to leave the house because I don’t feel safe behind a wheel….but I know I will survive and one day a decent nights sleep will be mine! 🙂

Random topic #1: What’s next? Military style

We have been in TX for a little over 2yrs now. The time has come to start thinking about where we go next and what path Dan takes to get there. One of the best parts of the military (for us) is the countless options available and frequent moves. Unfortunately sometimes there are too many options and uncertainties…for a type-A planner like me it can be horrible! It seems like almost all non-kid related conversations Dan and I have these days are discussing different paths (and me trying to understand how this crazy military thing works!). As of right now our options are:

1.) Put in his dream sheet (where we want to go) and wait until this assignment is over and we learn where we go next. Honestly there are no “pros” to this idea at all for either of us! We are wanting out of TX asap and don’t like the idea of waiting another 18mo to start leaving. The biggest con for this path though is deployment. Dan is due to deploy again in 11mo unless something changes. The base he is assigned to here deploys out something like 80%+ of the medical team currently in war zones. As long as we are here he will be deploying out every 18mo. Obviously neither one of us are too excited about that idea. I survived the last deployment and learned a LOT from it. I know that I will survive another deployment….and I honestly feel it will be a little easier because of what I learned last time. Dan has 9.5yrs until retirement so we know there are more deployments in our future, but if we can get out of here they will most likely be a little more spread out!

2.) Dan applies to C-STAR program and if accepted trains to be a CCAT nurse (critical care air transport). He is currently working on this application process since he has all the qualifications completed except his CCRN (which he will take soon). This is the path that I know he really really really wants deep down. Since day one of nursing school Dan has always wanted to be a flight nurse. Not necessarily a transport team nurse at the hospital (though he wouldn’t mind that!)…something a little more. The AF CCAT team does do typical transport type medical missions but they are also the ones who fly into war zones and do quick pick-ups of wounded soldiers to get them out of the little hut hospitals (no idea what they are actually called) and to a larger medical facility (usually Germany). This path is one that I feel would make him happiest (and one that I cannot see him not achieving!)….but with the pros come the cons. Big ones. Pros would be that he would be doing something he loves AND it will give us our highest chance of getting stationed in Germany (they recently changed the rules to where the AF hospital there ONLY takes CCAT nurses). Everyone knows our biggest wish is to be stationed overseas…and Germany is our #1 choice. The cons however are that he would deploy…..a lot. From what we have heard CCAT teams leave at a moments notice sometimes and are deployable a lot more (for obvious reasons). HUGE con! One good thing is their deployments are usually to Germany. He would be in Germany just making flights to/from Afghanistan instead of actually being in Afghanistan. That part I like. There is the possibility that if he gets his home base as Germany (so we all go) and then gets “deployed” to Germany we would still be together during deployment (though he would most likely have to live on base instead of with us). That would be AWESOME, but involves a LOT of cards falling in the right place! I’m scared of this option because of the possible frequent deployments….but I’ll cheer him on since I know he has a passion for it.

3.) Dan applies to go to Grad School to be a CRNA. With this option Dan has to finish a few requirements before putting his package into the military to go to school (he must take the GRE & BioChem class). He just started his BioChem class and plans to take the GRE at some point after that. If accepted he would attend the AF CRNA school here in San Antonio for 2yrs. The great thing about going to school in the military is to them that is your job. You do not work outside of schooling….but you recieve your full pay & benefits plus free tuition! Not a bad gig!! 🙂  Downside is….we are stuck in San Antonio for several more years. Blah!! This move would be the best for us in the long run after he retires since he would be highly qualified for a civilian job with great pay. The tricky part of this path is finishing the requirements and getting his package done on time (not easy when the military is already making you do other training/classes and you have a wife & two kids at home!). On top of that there is the chance that the military rejects his package because the time required to “pay back” for schooling would put him a little over 20yrs of service. The military doesn’t really like to let you go over 20yrs so that might be a big mark against him. 😦   At this point his plan is to do the requirements and submit his package….if they do accept it great but we are not banking on this path!

4.) Turn in his dream sheet and ask to be put on the Hot Jobs list (I think it is actually called something else…but I don’t know what it is! All this military stuff gets confusing!). What this means is that if a Hot Job becomes available in Dan’s field they would offer him the assignment. This is great because it would get us out of here quicker AND we would have the option of declining an assignment (unlike if we wait until this one is up….at that point we go where they tell us!). From what we have seen the current Hot Jobs are in Las Vegas & Alaska. When Dan first told me this my reaction was No, No, oh HELL No!!! But after doing some research and talking to a bunch of ladies who have been stationed there I am actually all for Alaska! (Las Vegas is still a Hell No!). The area is gorgeous…there is a TON of stuff to do….and I have not found one person who did not LOVE their time there. My only hesitation is going there right now with two small children. I am afraid that we would not be able to take advantage of everything the area has to offer! I can’t really see myself trekking a glacier with Jake strapped to my chest! 😉  I feel like it is an assignment I would love in about 5-6yrs.

Right now he is working on option 2&3&4. We figure we will throw all the balls into the air and whichever ones land our way we can discuss/decide at the time! I get panic attacks when I really focus on the fact that I have NO idea what the future holds….for all I know we could be moving to Alaska in a few months! Who would have thought our life would have turned out like this?! Good thing we love the adventure!

Random Topic #2: Harper-isms

Harper has entered the stage of “Kids say the darndest things”. She has also entered the stage of “mommy is going to need a padded room soon”….but that is for a different day 😉  I always feel I should write down some of the crazy that comes from her so I can laugh about it years from now and I always forget! So here today is giggle worthy story!

1. During our potty training adventure last summer we had to have several talks about “no touching” during the potty process. Toddlers get curious on how this whole pee/poop thing is working and it can make for a mess….that is all I’m saying. I didn’t think anything about it until a few weeks after Dan returned from deployment. We were out and Harper needed to go potty. Dan needed to go to so he decided to take her to the men’s room. Well…..apparently Harper learned how grown men use the restroom and kept shouting at everyone “no touchy! no touchy!!”. Dan had to give her a long talk on how boys & girls use the potty differently while I stood to the side almost bursting with laughter!

****So I had planned on writing more but got distracted and then our trip to Disney happened so this entry never got finished….the story of my life now-a-days!*****

Oh Baby Boy

Jakey,

Oh my sweet sweet little boy, you are officially three months old! A whole quarter of a year….it is insane to think about.

You have officially graduated from the newborn stage. Your deep blue eyes have opened and you noticed that there is a busy world out there….and just like your sister you have no plans on missing a moment! I have just accepted the fact that I apparently give birth to kiddos that have no need for sleep! 😉  Your naps are unreliable and typically very short. At this point the only nap that is guaranteed is your morning nap around 9:30am….but that is only if mommy holds and nurses you through the whole thing. I am trying my hardest to enjoy the already fleeting cuddle time but it is much harder with your sister demanding attention!

We won’t discuss your current nighttime sleep…..let’s just say it is a good thing you are cute! 😉

Along with your eyes opening your little personality is starting to emerge! You have found your voice and once again our house is full of baby shrieks and giggles. Honestly the best noise in the world. Your big sister was….a slightly grumpy baby 😉  She was very particular in what she wanted and not much impressed her! Smiles were few and far between with her…you had to work HARD to get one. But you are a full-on flirt! As long as you feel you have the full attention of your audience you are free with your smiles and breathy little giggles. Your momma’s heart has melted. I love that you are such a happy little boy….makes those long nights worth it! We don’t get as many moments to “talk” as your sister and I did….but I cherish those rare moments when it is just the two of us and we can have a nice “chat”.

Unfortunately we are still dealing with your intolerance to milk protein. After lots of diet changes, tracking, and trials we have finally figured out that you can not handle even the smallest amount of MP…one little mini reeses peanut butter cup on Easter made for a very rough time. We have figured out that you have no issue with eggs…instead it was wine that you are intolerant to. I love you to the moon and back little boy but taking away mommy’s glass of red wine has not made her very happy! The sacrifices a mommy makes to give you the best! Milky smiles while nursing more than makes up for it!

You have started the pre-teething stage and are covered in drool 99% of the time. I honestly don’t remember your sister having this much drool! On top of that you are obsessed with your little hands! It takes you a bit to get them into your mouth but once you do you will happily suck on them all day long! Mommy has actually been fighting with you a bit during nursing sessions because if your hands get close you will choose to nurse on those instead! Seems to make no difference that no milk comes…silly boy!

At 3 months you weighed in at an impressive 14lbs 10oz and 25 1/4in long!!! There is nothing little about you! You are almost the size your sister was at 6 months! You graduated to 6mo sleepers a few weeks ago…and tonight I noticed that they are starting to get a little snug. Where did my tiny little baby go?!  I love the little baby chub you have (your knee dimples absolutely kill me!) but overall you are not that chunky….just very solid! Pure boy I guess!

You are starting to hit certain milestones which I love watching. You rolled from tummy to back at 11wks…..though some days you find it easier than others! You want to roll from back to tummy so bad but get stuck on your arm everytime. I wouldn’t be surprised if you do it soon though….you are a very strong (big!) boy! I actually think that you will hit many milestones earlier than your big sister just because you want sooooooo badly to keep up with her! Everytime you are put into your swing or RNP you try so hard to sit up. I can’t help but laugh at you doing crunches over and over. Working on your baby six-pack! 😉  You love your big sister and track her all over the place. Watching you stare at her in fascination…and watching her take the time to wipe your chin when you spit up or “feed” you during our afternoon tea parties makes my heart explode. I can’t wait to see the little relationship form between the two of you. She already calls you her best friend.

Jacob you have no idea how much I love you. 3yrs after becoming a mommy I still can’t believe how much love I can hold for my two precious babies. Some days drive me crazy with hardships of two little ones….but I know I will one day miss the cries, messiness, and cuddles each day brings.

One quarter of a year. It seems like just yesterday I met you….and at the same time it feels like you have been a part of us forever. I can barely remember how life was without you in it. You are mommy’s “little buddy”.

I love you little monster!!!!