17wks! It is flying by! :)

Isnt’ it funny how pregnancy can both fly by and drag at the same time? I’m one of those “weird” people who love being pregnant. Oh some of the side effects of pregnancy (puking, exhaustion, discomfort) are not fun but I still love the time I spend pregnant. My great-grandmother once told me when she was in her 90s that the one thing she missed from her younger life was being pregnant. She had 8 kids so she must have! 😉  I’m going to cry buckets when we have our last baby!

In some ways I really want this pregnancy to go slow. I want to relax and enjoy it, BUT at the same time I want it to fly by because that means my husband will finally be heading home! With Harper I felt like every second of every day was spent thinking about the pregnancy/baby, analyzing every twinge and cramp, daydreaming about baby gear and clothes….this pregnancy couldn’t be more different! I feel so bad that I haven’t even thought about a nursery (because this time I know the baby will be in our room for quite awhile so what is the point?). I don’t even remember I’m pregnant during a good part of the day because I am so busy chasing a crazy toddler around. No time for daydreaming here! I’m still determined to take bump photos and try to keep with blogging about this experience because I want something to look back on (I’m still devastated that all my blogs from Harper’s pregnancy were lost to internet outer space). I guess this is going to be the new normal around here….divided mommy attention!

Last week Dan told me that it is looking very likely he will not make it back in time for the birth. We knew it was a risk but were confident he could get back. Now he is there and seeing how things are being done and it became obvious that unless something big changes or this kiddo goes to 42wks he will not be here. I had Harper at 38wk 5days and my midwife expects me to go around 38wks again (I guess it is common for second babies to come early if first did plus she said most of her military moms with deployed husbands go earlier than other moms…..she guesses it is the stress combined with not being able to slow down at the end due to other children’s needs!).

Obviously this was not happy news. I was surprised with how well I took it (I’m guessing hormones will hit later and I’ll react more!) but Dan took the news pretty hard. I finally pulled out of my funk for him to drop into one 😦  I’m not afraid to deliver without him and as long as he isn’t in transit we should be able to skype during delivery so he can still be “there”. Not ideal but what is in the military? For now we are taking the motto “Prepare for the worst, hope for the best, and accept what happens”. Part of the preparing is hiring a doula. We considered getting one with Harper since neither one of us knew what to expect and I knew I wanted a med-free birth….but money was tight at the time and we decided that we would be fine with Dan as my coach. He did great and I had an amazing med-free birth so we hadn’t even considered needing one this time. However if he is going to be gone then having someone with me will be helpful. If nothing else having someone to help me get to the hospital and take pictures!!! 🙂 I found someone highly recommended in the area and our first official meeting to go over everything is Friday. Not sure what to expect but I feel good knowing I’m at a good hospital with midwives and a doula this time. The few annoying things I had to fight during my delivery with Harper shouldn’t be an issue this time!

Now to figure out what the heck I’m going to do with Harper when the time comes! Lets hope things start during the day when babysitters are easier to find!

The only other thing big going on in the Thurow household has been potty training! I’m going to write a separate post about our adventure but I am happy to say we are about 95% done!!! Yay! My baby is a all grown-up!

Week 17 photo:

17 weeks!

I look about the size I did at 24wks with Harper! How big is this kid?! Comparison:

Weekly Update:

• How far along? 17wks, 2 days
• How big is baby? 5.5inches and around 5ozs! The size of a sweet potato
• Total weight gain/loss: approx (+) 5lbs!
• Stretch marks? Nope, I’m still nervous though
• Sleep: Missing in action 😦  I’m starting to get some back pain when I lay too long and Harper wakes up at least once at night to go potty so I’m a walking zombie most days.
• Best moment this week: The week is still young
• Movement: Random kicks and nudges…not very frequent but getting stronger when they happen!
• Food cravings: Still love orange juice but nothing else. No appetite is annoying
• Gender: Team Green!
• Labor Signs: Not for a long time hopefully
• Belly Button in or out? In but still flattening at a scary rate
• What I miss: Sleep and wine.
• What I am looking forward to: Anatomy scan!!
• Weekly Wisdom: I’m finding out I’m a lot stronger than I thought I was
• Milestones: Nothing this week

Only 2 more weeks until our big ultrasound! We won’t find out the sex but I can’t wait to see little one and hear that everything is ok in there! I am sad about going alone to it….there was so much crazy drama around Dan trying to get to Harper’s big ultrasound! I know he would do that much and more to be here this time but it just won’t be 😦  Luckily they will make a DVD of it for me to send to him. That is better than nothing!

How to spend the morning crying

This popped up on one of the blogs I follow. I’ve seen it on a few other sites as well but no one seems to know who the original author is (if anyone knows tell me so I can credit). It hit home in so many ways. While I am so so so lucky that Dan is not on the front lines and can relax more than other military spouses there is still the ultimate fear when your soul mate is playing in the sandbox. News of fighting or raids close to base can make my heart drop faster than anything. Not getting a call when I was supposed to can make me shake all day. No matter what your significant other is doing over there…..you can’t let down your guard until they are home safe.

Enjoy:

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“As many of you know, my husband came home from our third deployment not too long ago. During the deployment, a reporter asked me to share “What I Knew” about deployments and military life. This was my answer:

As I forced my hands to unfurl from his neck, feeling the familiar sting in my nose …as tears pushed against my will, the words rattled and echoed in my brain. “Not again.”

I watched him walk away–that uniform, identifiable gait—and my heart bent and splintered as the reality of a third deployment began to shower over me.

I picked up the phone, dialing the numbers my numb fingers always meander toward, and sat in silence while she tried to ease my pain. “I can’t imagine…He will be home….I’m here.”

And then she said six words that shot through my ears, penetrated my brain, and stiffened my spine: “You know how to do this.”

She was right. I do know how to do this. I intimately know the all-too familiar lump in my throat. The year of being both father and mother, making the best of a situation. I know exactly how one year feels as I X each day off my calendar. And I know how to ensure that while our lives are on hold, we still live.

The truth is I know a lot:

■The thought of being alone for a year doesn’t bother me. The fear of being alone for a lifetime—does.
■Flat rate boxes can hold twenty whoopee cushions, four kindergarten projects, and five perfume-scented letters.
■Technology can be a double-edged sword—one side delivering his face; the other a brutal live-action feed of explosions and camouflaged body parts.
■Murphy’s Law is a constant companion. The moment he walks out the door, anything that can break, collapse, bleed, or explode–will .
■Five hours of uninterrupted sleep is a gift from the deployment gods
■Holidays are hard, but manageable.
■Deployments come and go, but sand from his boots never leaves.
■Nothing can replace a handwritten letter. Through those beautifully folded pages, he is holding my hand again.
■When the National Anthem is played, I know goosebumps will rise on my arms, and a lump will fill my throat.
■The silence in communication following a war zone attack is agonizing.
■Laughter is a powerful ally.
■Each deployment offers two options: grow or regress. This is a choice.
■Cereal is always a dinner option.
■Videos of lost teeth, ballerina recitals, and preschool graduations can be emailed to Iraq nearly instantly.
■Five powers of attorney and the intimate details of his will are needed to navigate a deployment.
■White out blizzards can actually bury a truck in five minutes.
■Rosie the Riveter was right: We can do it.
■Children cling to hope and the promise of tomorrow.
■Living in each moment together is possible when facing the fear that it could be your last.
■Welcome home kisses are sweeter than the finest chocolate.
■Anger will grip me and depression can hold me, but another military spouse will steady me.
■A six-year-old child can feel the absence of her father so deeply that she can suffer from clinical depression.
■A military spouse will often hold her/his tongue, silencing a story, for fear of sounding “unpatriotic.”
■The sound of a bugle can make my heart swell with pride or collapse in sorrow.
■Duct tape and a monkey wrench can fix nearly anything.
■Despite the protestors and those who tell me I “knew” what I was getting into, I know there are countless American citizens who will go above and beyond to show they support us.
There are many things I know.

I know how to change the brakes on my truck, rappel from the side of a cliff, shoot a double-barreled shotgun, balance a checkbook, earn my keep, and kiss a child enough to feel like two.

But there are still so many things I don’t know.

■I don’t know how to start my heart again when I see a death notification car on my street.
■When that knock echoes on the door of my neighbor, I don’t know how to forgive myself when I am relieved.
■I don’t know how to hug him enough to last a lifetime, or kiss him just so in order to feel satisfied—should our reunion be at the foot of a pine box.
■I’m not willing to learn how to pretend he doesn’t exist, to keep him out of our life while it goes on without him, or to build a wall so high he has no way to scale it.
■I don’t know how to stop his panic attacks, and I have no idea how to make my nightmares of rampant bombs and lifeless limbs disappear.
■I don’t know how to adjust to his presence in my house when our floor rarely feels the weight of his boots.
■I don’t know how to tell his small children that, yes, he leaves them all the time. But because he loves them so deeply, he is willing to die to keep them free.
■I can’t understand those who would question my desire to stay with him, or how I can peacefully sleep beside a “killer.”
■I am amazed and confounded that despite all he has seen, he still has the courage to laugh.
■I don’t’ know how to give up on my family.

But, most importantly:

I have no clue how to still my pounding heart when he finally walks through our door again, I don’t know how to pull my hands from his sand-stained neck and say goodbye, and I don’t know how to ever walk away from a man who stands while many choose to sit.”

**********

 

Week 16

Getting ready to head out of town so can’t write much! Just a note that the funk has not gone completely but I found my big girl panties and pulled them on. I’m “sucking it up” and making the best out of a crappy situation. No worries 🙂

Week 16 photo:

16 weeks!

Weekly Update:

• How far along? 16wks, 2 days
• How big is baby? 5 inches and around 3.5ozs! The size of a turnip! (this does make grocery shopping more fun!)
• Total weight gain/loss: approx (+) 4 lbs! My goal is 25 so far so good!
• Stretch marks? Nope but it is itchy!
• Sleep: Unisom and the snoogle are awesome! Not a full nights rest but I am functioning again!
• Best moment this week: Seeing Harper tell my belly “hi!”. We talk a lot about the baby in mommy’s belly….totally over her head and now she refers to her own tummy as “baby”! haha!
• Movement: Still the same little nudges…usually at night or after a glass of orange juice!
• Food cravings: Orange juice! Other than that I’m still struggling with some food aversions
• Gender: Team Green!
• Labor Signs: Heck no!
• Belly Button in or out? In. It looks like it did when I was about 30wks along with Harper though. I never got an outie with her but I don’t think I will be that lucky again!
• What I miss: Alcohol. Alone with a toddler all day everyday…..I could REALLY use a glass of wine at night!
• What I am looking forward to: Anatomy scan!!
• Weekly Wisdom: Hormones are a bitch.
• Milestones: Nothing pregnancy related but just a few days until we are 1/3 done with deployment!!! 🙂

 

15wks and the huge funk

Ugh.

This is hard. Harder than I even imagined. A great big funk has settled over this house and I am struggling to get out of it 😦

We spent 2 great weeks in CA visiting old friends and enjoying the cool weather and ocean waves (or as Harper calls them “oh shit waves”). It was so nice getting to enjoy some yummy food at our old favorites, relax in the sun without frying, and most of all enjoy some adult conversation with friends! An amazing distraction! Harper and I took off one weekend to have a little “stay-cation” on our vacation. We took the train down to San Diego so we could play at the zoo, balboa park, and Coronado Island. We missed daddy but it was fun showing her our favorite places. She loved the ferry ride over to Coronado but was not too happy about the sand and water at the beach. Several meltdowns later she finally realized that sand was not going to kill her and started to enjoy digging and throwing the beach ball around 🙂

Hi daddy!

 

Ok maybe this stuff isn’t so bad!

Ferry ride with lovely San Diego as a backdrop!

Loving on the beagles! She wore those poor dogs out!

Long Beach Aquarium. Seals & penguins make her go crazy with excitement!

You just can’t get Boba like this in TX (or sushi…or pho…or fish tacos). Man I miss the food!

The trip wasn’t all perfection as we battled everyone getting sick, Harper’s first split lip and bee sting 😦  Luckily I have a trooper!

But now we are home. The first week back was full of trying to get everything back in order and going to our respective dr. check-ups. Harper had her 2yr check and she passed with flying colors. She has grown so much (25.8lbs and 33.5in!). It just doesn’t slow down does it?! After that appt we rushed to my midwives for a check-up where we got to hear our little lobster’s heartbeat for the first time. So amazing. I recorded it on my phone and sent it to Dan so he could enjoy it as well. I hate that he has to miss all these little events….but I would rather him be home to actually meet the new addition!!

We are in week 2 of being home and the reality of day to day by ourselves has hit. Welcome funk.

The house is too lonely…..too quiet. At first his being gone was just like any of his training, a few weeks which blows but no biggie. Then while we were gone it was easy to pretend he was home working while Harper and I played in CA. Now though it is real. He isn’t just at a training school….he isn’t coming home in a few days or even a few weeks. I am on my own in this thing called parenting for quite a long time. Ugh. I thought I was prepared. I now know you can’t be prepared. I’m a stay-at-home mom whose husband works a lot and is gone from the house for weeks at a time…..how much harder can this be right? I was stupid. I married an amazing man who is completely hands-on in his daddy role. He never comes home from a long 13hr shift and complains when I pass the kiddo off to him because I need a few minutes to collect my sanity after a rough day. He does it without comment. He jumps up with Harper on his mornings off so that I can catch a few more minutes of rest without a question….even if it is his only day that week to sleep in. I knew he would be a great dad when I married him (one reason I did!) but he has blown my mind with how awesome he is at it. Now I don’t have that. There is no one to take over so I can take a few minutes to recharge. I can no longer run any errands, go out with friends, grab a cup of coffee, etc..by myself. Our babysitter is away at summer camp and we haven’t found anyone to replace her (those we were recommended wanted $20+ and hour! I’m in the wrong damn business!!!) and our base doesn’t offer hourly childcare (the other base in town does but only if it is your “home” base…even for deployed members. Military family my ass!). No friends or family in the area means I’m overwhelmed…and lonely …with a long stretch in front of me.

I’m whining….I’m throwing a massive pity-party. I’ve been told to “shape up” since that is what military wives do….and I will. I know I have it easier than MANY MANY military families….but for now I feel like crap, I miss my husband, and I just want 10 minutes to myself.

With that cheerful update lets get on to one positive thing I have in this deployment besides Harper….baby #2!

Week 15 photo:

15 wks!

Something is definitely growing in there!

Weekly Update:

• How far along? 15wks, 3 days
• How big is baby? 4.5 inches and around 3.5ozs! The size of an avocado!
• Total weight gain/loss: approx (+) 4 lbs!
• Stretch marks? Nope….but I’m getting nervous with how fast things are stretching this time!
• Sleep: Pregnancy Insomnia hits again. It was tolerable with Harper because I could sleep during the day but this time it is brutal!
• Best moment this week: Nothing significant this week but we did get to hear the heartbeat last week at the midwives office. So amazing each and every time! I recorded it for Dan to hear also! 🙂
• Movement: I felt my first flutter at 12wks. Yes it sounds insane but there was no question what it was (unless my stomach moved to way under my pelvic bone!). Still get random flutters and nudges if I’m still and in the right position…this is my favorite part!
• Food cravings: Salty and greasy. Ugh! Other than that no food sounds good. I’ll eat it if you put it in front of me but I could go all day without eating happily (not that I do).
• Gender: Team Green!
• Labor Signs: Heck no!
• Belly Button in or out? In but it is stretched really weird!
• What I miss: Sleep and someone to talk to.
• What I am looking forward to: Anatomy Scan on Aug 9th! I’m always so nervous that something is wrong until then!
• Weekly Wisdom: 2nd Trimester energy boost does not come right away. I am ready for it!
• Milestones: We are in the 2nd Trimester!!