1,477 Days

Baby girl,

It took me an unreasonable amount of time to decide how to start this letter. You are no longer a baby….so far from one….but in my heart you will always be my baby. Each birthday you celebrate becomes more and more bittersweet for me. You are growing and changing so fast. I could never have imagined 4yrs ago when I saw your sweet face for the first time what an amazing little girl you would become. You were a mommas girl from that first day, you hated anyone else trying to hold or play with you! How did you grow into this confident, outgoing, ball of energy?! You are so open and always on the lookout for your next “best friend”. The first thing you do when arriving at a playground or any place with kids is scan the area for someone to play with. We always joke that you think all humans were placed on this Earth to be your friend. You amaze me with your confidence.

You finished up your first year of preschool and you rocked it just like I knew you would! Watching you write your name, draw actual pictures, and show off the social skills you gained is awesome. This was the first year that you made actual friends and real relationships with kiddos….you took a small step out of our little nest and while it makes my heart hurt a little I want to explode with pride!

This parenting thing is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and you are my poor little guinea pig. Most days I go to bed feeling bad about those times I’ve raised my voice to you (and there were a lot of those times….your threes were not that easy!!) 😉  and wondering if I’m doing the best I can for you, but then I stand back and watch you and realize that something must be working because you are becoming such an amazing little person!

As a new 4yr old you:

– Can write your name and are showing lots of interest in learning to read (though I have no idea how to help with that!!)

– Are obsessed with everything Frozen….just like every single preschooler in America 😉

– Love musicals and broadway! Broadway showtunes is the only Pandora station we listen too and you love to watch scenes from shows on youtube. I cannot wait to take you to your first show!

– Learned that while you get stage fright singing or dancing in front of people you LOVE being on stage! Once those lights go on and “shield” you from the audience you shine!

– Will sit and eat a plate full of tomatoes and carrots. Sometimes I wonder if you really are my child 😉

– Balance out your veggie eating self with a love of anything ice cream or cake related!

– Can spend 4hrs at the bounce house going crazy with friends…..and still have energy!

– Have added a few more countries to your passport! You have been to 9 countries (a few of those more than once!!). You are always asking about when we are going on vacation….your daddy fears having two females with the travel bug! haha!

– Love dressing up and playing with your dollhouse! I try to keep up but sadly my imagination can’t hold a candle to yours! 🙂

– Are an AMAZING big sister!!! You wake each morning and automatically go searching for your brother. The excitement you two have seeing each other warms my heart. You do crazy things to make him laugh and always make sure to introduce him to the kids you meet at the playground (and you demand they say hello to him! haha!). Watching the bond grow between the two of you has been such a privilege.

Once again you had to say goodbye to your daddy. I feared this time since you are such a big girl and would really feel the absence of your daddy. I know you are struggling with understanding and missing him but you have been so brave and amazing. We are so proud of you! We are setting out on another deployment adventure soon (with your little brother towing along!)…..while I hate these times I do cherish the memories I get to make with my favorite little girl!

Every.single.day I think I can not possibly love you any more than I do that day. And every day you prove me wrong. The days are long and crazy but these years are flying by so fast. There are so many moments and memories coming in the future I can’t wait to make…..but I want to grab you right now and freeze you just like this. My innocent little girl who still thinks I am the most amazing person ever. That I can fix anything. I’m cherishing these days since I know soon you will realize the truth 😉

I love you boo-bah. I love you more than you will ever understand. Your smile makes my day brighter and your laugh can make any day better. No matter how crazy and hard the days are I am so thankful that I get to stay home and watch you grow.

Happy Birthday Harper Jane! XXOOXXOO!

 

Summer…Let’s do this

Welcome summer!

50 days of deployment are down and we are finally settled up in Wisconsin ready to welcome the summer! 🙂  The first month of deployment was relatively “easy” and flew by fast. May was full of end of year activities, recitals, parties…..adding in packing up a house and heading out on a looooong road trip made the days go fast. The kids did great on the long drive although we didn’t get to stop and visit friends like we were planning on due to illness.

Now we are finally in Wisconsin and getting set up at Dan’s parents house. Yes I am living with my inlaws! Haha! The face I get from most people when I tell them that is pretty priceless 😉  The idea came about a few days after Dan got his deployment orders. Last deployment I almost lost it being stuck all alone in TX during an extremely hot summer with a toddler. Being stranded indoors when it is 100+ for months at a time can make you lose your mind. I honestly started panicking just thinking about trying to do it again (and with two kids this time!). I started brainstorming how to get the heck out of there but it is hard to move and set up shop somewhere for just a handful of months. Dan’s parents just finished building their house on the large lot of land his grandparents had just outside of Madison. Moving up here would get us out of the crazy heat and give me actual adults to converse with at night (another thing that almost made me crazy last deployment!). We wouldn’t have to worry about short term leases or moving all our furniture somewhere…..and it would give the kids a chance to get to know this set of grandparents better. A win-win! 🙂  I won’t lie and say I wasn’t nervous about the plan. Moving into anyone’s house as an adult with kiddos can be a challenge! I’ve lived close to my inlaws for a short period in Chicago when they bought a condo in our building….but this would be 100% under the same roof! Eeek!

Luckily though I have not had a lot of the drama that most people seem to have with their inlaws. I’m sure there has been times in the last 7+yrs that they have been annoyed with me and vice versa 😉 but I feel that we are all pretty respectful of each other and above all I know they love their grandkids. I was practically raised by my grandmother and grandfather……my grandmother is my everything and not a day goes by that I don’t miss my grandfather……so I decided that no matter what issues might arise being under the same roof I had to honor the grandparent relationship and give my kids the chance to make some memories with theirs. We are a few weeks in so far it has been great! My father in law works out of town so is gone most of the week and my mother in law is busy with work and taking care of all the gardens and land but we manage to have some family time on the weekends with brunch or taking the kids to events around town. We are slowly finding our way and figuring out how we all do things and how to make them work together. The grandparents are getting used to the noise and chaos that two small children bring (it has been quite awhile since little feet pounded their floors and little fingers swiped the butter! haha!). We’ve set up a small playroom area downstairs so I can contain the crazy of toys and during the day we are out most hours trying to run off some of this crazy kid energy! I’m planning several weekend trips to Chicago to visit family/friends and other little staycations around the area to give everyone a little peace throughout the summer.

Madison has been great though! It is has been anywhere between 20 and 30 degrees COOLER than TX! Awesome!!!! We can go to the park anytime of day and not worry about 3rd degree burns from slides! Afternoon walks/runs or trips to the zoo are not trips to hell! And there is sooooo much to do here! Amazing playgrounds (seriously I have NEVER seen things like this!), free zoo, free splashpads (multiple!), nature trails, running paths, huge community pools, awesome children’s museum (free for military!!), tons of cheap open gyms…….getting bored is really not possible! Even better are the amount of camps/activities available for little ones Harper’s age! Next week she starts a two week French Immersion camp through UW. So excited! The winters are no joke up here but the summers can NOT be beat! It has already made a big difference mentally this deployment. It still sucks but I feel like I can do this! Fuck it all we will get through this and be stronger for it. I am determined.

Let’s hope the next few months go great and we end this crazy experiment as a closer family and not ready to burn the place down 😉 I knew being a military wife meant I had to be flexible and ready for anything….but I can honestly say I never though living with the inlaws would be a part of the plan! haha! Crazy where life takes us! 🙂

Deployment Round 2

Words cannot express how happy I am that the day of departure has come and gone! The actual day was  just as emotional and exhausting as expected. Our original plan had been to send Harper to school in the morning for a part day and then pick her up on the way to the airport. When the day arrived though none of us wanted to be separated for a single minute, so instead we packed up and went for a nice breakfast together before heading to the airport. Best decision ever! I spent the morning trying my hardest to hide my panic (the shaking usually gives me away though!) and Dan tried to remain as upbeat as possible. While Jake is too young to really understand anything we could tell that Harper was extremely nervous. We had talked a bunch about this deployment with her but she still doesn’t always get it. That day however she knew something big and not happy was happening. Watching your child go through the emotions of deployment is 100X harder than going through them yourself. I just wanted to shield her from everything 😦

Once at the airport things got really hard. Harper refused to leave Dans side for a second and seeing all the other men/women in uniform with their families felt like a punch in the gut. No more denial that this was really happening. Once he was checked in and dropped off his bags we found our own little corner and just stood there. At the last minute we decided to say our goodbyes before security like last time. All but one of the other families chose the same. As much as you want time to just freaking stop eventually you realize that the end has to happen. Somehow one guy finds the courage to give his loved ones that last hug and walk away….one by one the others start to follow. Eventually all that is left is a large group of family members…everyone crying yet trying to be strong. Poor Harper saw everyone crying and thought she was supposed to too so she walked out to the car doing her fake cry (until she saw the elevator, then she just forgot her sadness and ran for it yelling that she got to push the button! haha! oh kids!). The physical pain of that moment is unmatched 😦

So now he is gone and the question I get the most is “how are you guys?!”. Our answer…….actually pretty good! We miss him like crazy and have had our moments, but this deployment feels completely different than last time. Not having pregnancy hormones running through me and having the “benefit” of doing this before really helps. The first time I was still trying to find my way as a mom and being alone was terrifying. This time I feel pretty comfortable in my role as mommy so while I am not looking forward to playing the sole parent role I know I CAN handle it. Being able to enjoy a glass of wine after bedtime helps a bit too! 😉 Above all I feel like I am the lucky one in this deployment. I have my adorable babies to keep me going. They might drive me insane sometimes but when I feel lonely and sad their sweet giggles and hugs make things ok. Dan has it hardest by being away and not getting those times. I try my best to keep him involved by frequent emails and daily pictures & videos. Thank GOD for Facetime! I do not know how people handled deployment before technology. I could not do it! Keeping his spirits up is our goal this time.

To keep our own spirits up we are getting the heck out of TX once school is over for Harper! 100+ degree weather and having no one around to help or talk to is misery for everyone. I almost lost my mind last time…I will do anything to make this time different. Once Harper finishes school we are making the looooong drive up to Madison, WI (stopping in Dallas to visit family for a week and in Kansas City for a few days to visit some amazing military friends we miss terribly!!!!) to move in with my in-laws for the next 4 1/2 months! Telling people I’m moving in with the in-laws gets me some pretty funny reactions! 😉  I won’t lie and say I didn’t have reservations when we first tossed out the idea, moving in with ANY set of parents at this age (and with 2 kids!) can be a little nerve wracking. In the end though it made the most sense. I get out of hot as hell TX during the summer, the ability to visit family and old friends in Chicago, tons of activities for Harper that are not available here in San Antonio, ability to beef up our retirement/college savings account, and the chance to let the kids get to know their paternal grandparents better. I expect there to be a few bumps as we all learn to live together….but we will come out of it with hopefully a closer relationship and a few crazy stories! 🙂  I do have several weekends planned doing little trips to Milwaukee and Chicago for fun and to give us all some breathing room when needed! 😉  The biggest advantage is keeping Harper distracted and out of our usual routine. Our routine here is that daddy comes home at the end of the day. He is there most of the time for one quick kiss or story before bedtime. Not having that is hard for her. Putting her in a new place that has no connection with daddy for her will help and keeping her busy and entertained will hopefully make the days fly by. I am strong enough to handle deployment and Jake is young enough to not be effected……but Harper is the one that keeps me up at night with worries. So far she is taking this like a champ, but we are 1 week in….4 months from now might be an entirely different story. So far I have her enrolled in a 2wk French immersion camp for 4-6yrs old (so excited about this!!!), 4 wks of nature camp at the Madison Nature center (digging in mud, playing around ponds, looking for bugs….sooooo not something she is going to get from me!) ;), and 4 weeks of daily swim lessons! Add in the AMAZING farmers markets, festivals, trips to Chicago, and learning how to garden/compost with her grandma = one amazing summer! Summer up north is amazing and I have missed it sooo much since we moved 3yrs ago!

I’m not one for cliche sayings but this one is one I’ve pinned up to look at when times get tough:

“I’m not the perfect military wife. Deployments sometimes get to me and there are times when nothing seems to go right when he is gone.I think about how wonderful it would be to have my Airman home all the time. There are times when he is home that I push him away so it doesn’t hurt so bad when he leaves again. At night I cry because I can no longer handle trying to stay strong. There are times when I feel like walking away from this life that I built. But when I stop and think about it I remember just how much I love my man and I’m proud to be an Air Force Wife.”

We also have a sign put up that says “One day closer”…….Step by step we will make it through this again. It is the ultimate test of a marriage and family. Not much else can compare. We come out with some scars but we come out together. That is how I know that no matter the hard times I picked the right guy for me. Marriage is hard work. Harder than I ever could have imagined on my wedding day. A military marriage is even harder…..but I wouldn’t change it for anything!

5 days down…..so many left to go 😦

Deployment Deja Vu

How is it possible we are here again? I knew what he was signing that fateful day when he swore in and put his name on the dotted line…I knew it meant days/weeks/months apart….but knowing and experiencing are two completely different things. It has been almost 2 years since we last said goodbye, and only a short 16.5 months since we ran into his arms at the airport and welcomed him home. How is it we are once again saying goodbye?!

First off I will say neither one of us regret the choice we made 3yrs ago for him to rejoin the military. He loves what he does (and he is damn good at it!), and it has allowed us to have me stay at home with the kids, travel, retire early, and make unreachable dreams reachable. But it has come at a cost. I can’t pretend I’m not frustrated hearing about other military members doing the same job he is that WANT to deploy…are begging to deploy…yet my husband is headed back again for the second time in 3yrs. I knew deployments were a given but I was not prepared for them happening so quickly and so frequently.

Tomorrow I once again get to drive my husband to the airport and try to hold it together as I give him one last hug/kiss and pray he stays safe the next 6 months. Last time I was lucky that Harper was too little to understand what was going on…this time I do not have that luxury. I am fine with having her see me cry and knowing that this is a sad thing, but I am scared that she will see the panic/terror. Seeing my sweet innocent little girl be hurt and saddened by losing her daddy for 6 months to deployment brings out the momma bear in me and I just want to scream at someone. How do you help an almost 4yr old understand deployment?! We have watched the elmo videos and have talked for weeks about how daddy is “going to ployment” (her words) and that we won’t see him for a long long long time. We have paper chains to break off each day…and calendars to mark off. We have pictures and chocolate kisses for each night. We have maps and clocks to show place/time….but I know she still is too young to truly understand. It breaks my heart.

The anxiety of the pre-deployment stage is a hell I wouldn’t wish on my greatest enemy. The immense pressure to make every.single.moment count combined with the need to get everything ready (POAs, wills, life insurance….) and him being gone more often doing training and paperwork things on base. Every single day you wake up with a knot in your stomach knowing you are one more day closer to goodbye. The knot that gets bigger every day. Part of you starts pulling away…trying to distance yourself emotionally from the other person. The worst part is the guilt. I have 6-8 months to fill as a single parent. I won’t have my husband to confide in or lean on for support – I am the single decision-maker….and how my children come out of this deployment is largely on my shoulders. This takes planning and in the back of my mind I feel guilty to be planning fun adventures without my husband. Talking about trips I plan to take with the kids…or fun festivals we want to go to while knowing my husband will be working six 12hr shifts in a war zone feels wrong. But luckily I have a supportive husband who knows that life has to go on back home and WANTS me to do what I can to survive and keep myself and the kids as happy/positive as possible.

As deployment creeps closer our emotions get higher and our tempers get shorter so sometimes little annoyances become much bigger issues. I don’t always express my feelings of sadness…and anger..about him leaving – but they are always present. A dark shadow that lurks in the corner. As time goes by I start to feel numb to emotional pain; it is my body’s way of protecting me from the ups and downs that are coming. It can be a strenuous on a marriage; and definitely was before our first deployment. Luckily this time hasn’t been so rough as we knew what to expect and handle the emotions different. The last week though is the hardest as you find yourself just wanting him to leave so you can start counting down until he gets home.

13hrs and 10 minutes until his plane takes off.

Some moments you will find me completely optimistic. I got this! We have made plans to combat the issues we ran into last time. I am more comfortable in my role as a mommy now. We have tons of activities and trips planned to pass the time….bring it!! 5 seconds later you will find me hyperventilating in a cold sweat wondering how I can do this again. What if something happens to him? What will he come back like? He came back different the first time….he lost a lot of the goofy, weirdo traits that I fell in love with.What will happen this time? How will my kids handle this? How can I do this again?!?! Nighttimes are the worst. Panic attacks are no joke.

12hrs until his plane takes off.

Everyone comments on how “strong I am”…how “they couldn’t do it”. To be honest it makes me want to scream sometimes. I am not strong….I usually feel like I am holding on by a thread. I break down in tears at  random times (today in Costco when I saw someone shopping in their ABUs). The news channel is officially off-limits for me, and little things like the anthem before a baseball game will have me leave the room sobbing. I am not strong. And I do it because I have to. I don’t have the choice to stop. I have two small children who need a mommy. A mommy that smiles and laughs and pretends that everything is a-ok! Any other mother could do it too because you cannot NOT do it.

I do pray I have the courage for tomorrow though. I’ve never hated the sight of his military boots more than I do tonight.

I do pray I can let go tomorrow and watch that familiar backside walk away. I pray I have the strength to not utter the words I desperately want too….yet cannot (“don’t go”).

11hrs and 45 min….

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

1 year

Sweet baby boy of mine,

You are officially one years old! No longer my sweet little baby but now a walking (well running!) amazing little toddler! I am still in disbelief.

I was so worried last year at how we would bring another baby into our family. How would the transition go? How could I love another baby as much as I loved my little girl? How could I not only keep two kids alive but also help shape them into amazing people?! A year later I can’t help but laugh at such silly worries. While there were definite growing pains going from a family of 3 to 4, your first year was full of so many laughs, cuddles, smiles, and love. The moment I heard that first loud cry I got to experience what it feels like for a persons heart to double in size in a second. I found a new level of love watching your sister coo and dote over your…and watching you stare and adore her from day one. I cannot remember what our life was like without you.

My son…12 months later I still get goosebumps saying “my son”. How did I ever get so lucky as to get a sweet, healthy baby boy AND girl? My sweet little momma’s boy 🙂  I renamed you my “little monster” around 20wks because you were growing so fast….and it continues today! At 1year you weigh 22lbs 8oz and are 32in tall! You wear 18mo clothes and have went from my cute chunky baby to my tall, skinny boy. Most amazing to me is how much you look like me and your big sister. I always pictured a mini-daddy when I thought of having a boy but it looks like I have another little mini-me! I couldn’t be happier 🙂  Your goofy, sweet, laid back personality is 100% your daddy though. And in true Thurow fashion you have been on 2 large family vacations and visited 3 different countries…all with a smile on your face. My little traveller! 🙂  I can’t wait to show you the world!

At 12 months you have 4 teeth, can say mama/dada (and a-dah is apparently your word for dog!). You can sign milk, more, and all done…though you rarely do it! You learned to walk at 11 months and within a week you were running full speed! You love playing hide-and-go-seek with your big sister (we joke that you have the nose of a bloodhound because you ALWAYS find her!). You only want to go to sleep if mommy lays next to your crib and holds your hand (kills me with cuteness!)…but you are nowhere close to sleeping through the night! You love sitting next to your sister for meals and insist on having a plate with fork & spoon….but you are not the biggest eater! Your favorite game (much to your sister’s annoyance!) is to run towards her blocks knocking them down as you yell “ahahahahah”!

Jacob…Jakey…buddy-boy…bubba…I can’t even begin to describe the depth of my love for you. While I wish you would stay my baby for just a little longer, I love seeing the adorable little boy you are becoming. We have so many memories and milestones ahead of us….I cannot wait to watch and experience them.

Happy Birthday baby boy! Welcome to toddlerhood!

Mommy

Oh Seattle!

Home…..

Such a simple word that holds such a huge idea/feeling. As a military family our home is not the house or even the town we live in…we make our home almost from scratch every few years. As much as I love the adventure of moving and exploring new areas every few years I am starting to feel a yearning for roots and a real “home”. We have 9 more years until Dan retires and we can establish those roots but the dreams have begun. However those dreams always have one huge question attached…”where the heck do we want to settle?!”

We were both born & raised in TX but we have no plans to settle here! We eagerly look forward to the day when we get a new assignment out of here! We loved Southern California and Chicago….but never felt like they were “home”. We have travelled to over 1/2 the states in the US and had yet to find a place we could see staying in for more than a few years. Our needs/wants list is pretty specific ;). Then we decided to do a family get-away to Seattle….

We had both wanted to visit Seattle for awhile since on paper it seemed to hit many of our must-haves, and since Dan’s twin brother (who was stationed up there) was getting ready to move to Japan we had the perfect excuse 🙂 A one week trip to visit Uncle Geoff, enjoy family time, and explore a city we might want to make our own. We found a cute apt to rent in the area we would want to live in and made a list of things to see & eat!

Within hours of arriving I had fallen into deep like! So far everything had exceeded my expectations:
Downtown area with nice skyline…check!
Museums/Sports/Theatre…..check!
Farmers market for food….check!
Lots of options for outdoor activities…..check check check!!!
Affordable housing that didn’t share a floor plan with half it’s neighborhood….check!
Emphasis on public transport/biking/green living…..check!
Near a lake or ocean…..check!
Lots of activities for kids….check!
Plenty of good school choices (public, private, Montessori)……check!

At one point about 3/4 through the trip we were finishing up a picnic at the park, with both kids playing in the grass, when Dan and I both looked around and said “this feels like home”. We did not feel like we were visiting, we felt comfortable and more like we belonged there than any place we had ever been. The people we met hanging out at the parks or restaurants were so open and friendly and the crunchy/hippy/healthy culture fits us perfectly! 🙂 Even Harper loved it and cried when we left (which she never does!).

Obviously not everything is perfect. Weather can be crappy there, but after living in many different climates around the US I think I can safely say I will be just fine! I cannot take the insane heat of the south. I HATE it!! Cooler = better to me….but the snow and long winters of Chicago were a bit too much for me. Southern California had the sun & moderate temples, but it want worth the cost of living or other factors we hated there. My favorite wardrobe season is fall (boots, sweaters, & scarves oh my!) which is perfect for about 70% of the year in Seattle :). I can handle the overcast days for gorgeous warm (not boiling!) summers and just plan a trip or two somewhere sunny during the winter each year! 🙂

There are many places around the US we still have to visit and we could find something we love more but for now my dreams of putting down roots involve an adorable craftsman not far from the zoo in Seattle :). Only 9yrs to dream and plan! Haha!

Those days…

Every parent knows exactly what someone means when they say they are having one of “those days”. It receives automatic looks of sympathy and usually some comment about bedtime and alcohol.

Today was one of “those days” for us.

For the past 2-3wks I had actually hit my stride as a mom of 2 small children. The days were long but fun and busy. Meltdowns were rare or easily stopped and for once my house looked decent and there were home cooked meals most nights. Gotta admit I was feeling like supermom! I had this! I should have known one of “those days” was going to come slap some reality back in me soon….

For almost a week now we have been stuck at home while Dan works due to the kiddos and myself being sick. Luckily I wasn’t hit as hard by the bug and even with the horrible cabin fever we were having the days were still going pretty good (supermom remember?!). Today however I decided we were ready to enter the world again since Harper and I were both almost back to normal and I could hopefully just keep Jake contained in his stroller/carrier with his own germ covered toys. After a little discussion with the 3yr old we decided to head to the Jumpy Place (or usual go-to!) so she could play and I could relax with the free wifi/coffee. Unfortunately being Sunday it didn’t open until noon leaving us with a few hours to kill in the morning. 

That was where it all started heading downhill 😦

After breakfast we watched a quick movie and then started to get dressed. Harper had apparently found a bottle of nail polish that I did not know about and decided she wanted her nails painted. Unfortunately I had no clue what the heck she was talking about when she kept telling me she wanted pink toes. I thought she wanted pink socks and we entered one of those epic meltdowns over stupid stuff that only 2-3yr olds can do. The more I tried to understand her the more upset she (and I) got. It ended after 45min of screaming, crying, flailing when she finally brought me the stupid bottle and I figured out what it was she wanted (why couldn’t she have done that 45min earlier when I told her to “go get the pink” so I could figure out what she wanted?!). I did a quick mani/pedi but we headed straight into another insane meltdown when she wanted to put on her shoes 10sec after I had painted her toenails and I said “no”. At this point I was over the hysterics and just decided to start loading up Jake and our things into the car while she did her screaming thing in the living room. As soon as the door to the garage closed Harper when nuts because she thought we were leaving without her and started banging on the door. I ignored her for the few seconds it took to buckle Jake in and when I went back to grab her found that she had somehow threw the deadbolt to the door. Not a big deal except all my keys and my phone were currently inside the locked house with her. ::Cue Panic::  Harper was still screaming and crying because she thought I was going to go to the Jumpy Place without her and I was trying to get her to open the lock on the door. 15 minutes of screaming/coaching/instructing through the door (while inside I was wondering WTH I was going to do!) she managed to turn the deadbolt and unlock the door. Whew! I loaded her in the car and we headed out (while she continued to cry because I apparently grabbed the wrong socks….3yr olds are just a ton of fun).

We were still a little early for the Jumpy Place and I was starting to get hungry (and thinking that could be a reason for Harper’s unusual attitude) so I figured an early lunch would help. Like any supermom I had packed a nice healthy lunch….but after the morning stress it didn’t sound good. I wanted pancakes!! 🙂  Thinking I could give us a little treat and turn the day around we headed to Cracker Barrel!

Cracker Barrel….on a Sunday…..across from the outlet malls…..yeah I’m an idiot. 

I should have turned around when I saw the line but nope I had promised pancakes and we were gonna have some pancakes! It was only a 35min wait but 35min with a 3yr old in the General Store inside each Cracker Barrel is torture. I “lost” her about 5 times as people got in my way and she shot off with her little munchkin legs, and good luck keeping her out of the toy or candy bins. By the time we were seated I was exhausted. Unfortunately I wan’t the only one….Jake had had enough stimulation and was ready for an early nap. Crap. I spent the entire meal trying to get Harper to eat (suddenly she went from being starving to not wanting to touch anything on her plate), picking up those stupid pegs that are on the table game, and trying to keep Jake from screaming. The highlight was when I was attempting to get a bite of egg into my mouth and Jake hit the fork causing the egg to fly gracefully through the air and land on the table next to us. Oh joy. He also managed to pass out in my arms the minute I put the last bite of food in my mouth….isn’t that how it always goes?! 

After paying and maneuvering back through the General Store to the car I found out that apparently Jake had had a major diaper blowout all over his carseat that I had somehow not noticed….and it had managed to smear on certain areas of my clothing during the meal. A  quick diaper change, a changing pad tucked under him in the carseat and a lot of baby wipes/hand sanitizer later and we were ready to go. I almost called it quits at this point seeing that the day was shot…..but I knew there would be hell to pay if we didn’t go to the Jumpy Place and figured what else could go wrong?!

Please…don’t ever utter those words.

At the Jumpy Place I got us all settled into some chairs with good viewing of the area so I could watch Harper play. She ran off and I started to nurse Jake to see if I could get him back to sleep. A few minutes later I look up from him to see a child walking across the large room wearing a tank top and no shorts….no shorts AND no underwear. About 0.5 seconds later I realize that that child was MY child. WTH. I quickly unlatch an almost asleep Jake and rush over to where my almost naked child stood. She explained that she needed new panties and when I inquired as to where her old panties were she walked me to the bathroom where I find that apparently she had a slight poop accident (her first in about 8months!) and had tried to wash them out in the toilet. There stood an almost naked 3yr old, a screaming 6month old, and myself looking down at a poor pair of poopy panties floating in a public toilet. The thought “how did my life end up like this?!” might have flown across my mind. Luckily I had a spare set in the diaper bag so after getting Harper redressed and fishing out the old pair (EWWWW!!!) I did my best to sanitize myself and relax again in our chairs. My peace lasted for a whole 30min before Harper took a spill and gave herself a big bruise on her cheek. I decided to call it quits and load up my two crying children to head home (Jake screamed the whole way because he was so overtired at this point!).

I called it quits and put on TV until I dinnertime (thank goodness for leftovers) and decided to take advantage of the fact that neither child can tell time by putting them to bed an hour early. My morning will probably start before the sun but at this point I don’t care! Tonight I am going to open a bottle of wine and enjoy a glass while ripping up my supermom cape. Hopefully it will make some decent cleaning rags!  

6 months

2 weeks ago something crazy happened….my baby turned 6 months old! Holy cow! Just like that half a year disappeared! Dan was gone for 7 months and it seemed to last a lifetime but the first half year of Jake’s life went by at super speed. Really annoying how that happens!

He is still growing off the charts. At his pedi appointment the other day he officially jumped off the charts with his height (28.75in). Yep he is over 100% for height! HOLY COW! His weight is sitting right at 75% (19lbs 2oz) so he is tall and skinny like his sister….just crazy tall! He is in 12 month onsies and 12-18month shorts/shortalls. I have almost no clothes for him because he seriously outgrows everything within 2wks! All my cute visions of matching outfits for the kids is being thrown out the window because by the time I get them in the mail he has almost outgrown them! Little man is incredibly strong and is getting closer and closer to crawling. He can push himself up onto all fours and is slowly starting the rocking thing. He knows what he wants to do but hasn’t figured out all the logistics though….I know it will all click soon though! That is when my life if going to get incredibly insane. Better stock up on the wine now!

 

We are also *slowly* starting solids. I am not looking forward to it! Haha! With Harper I couldn’t wait to see how she would react and start….but now it just seems like one more thing to add to my list each day (plus the diapers are much worse!). We plan on doing babyled weaning with him exactly like we did with Harper so we will start with large finger sized table foods and let him regulate wheat he eats/doesn’t eat. Harper didn’t really start to ingest solids until close to 9 months so I’m not worried about pushing things too fast.

Harper has become OBSESSED with going to the gym and “working out”. We joined our local YMCA since it is much closer than the Lifetime Fitness I was working out at.. We saw that they offer kiddo workout classes during the morning hours for kids 3-6yrs of age. They change each day but include Zumba, pilates, yoga, stretch, cardio drills, etc….It took one class and Harper was hooked! She loves going to play in the childcare center but if we don’t time our visit right for her to go to a class she is mad! The classes are adorable to watch and they work the kiddos pretty good. Harper is exhausted every day from her workout….SCORE!! 😉  Another upside is that it makes me get off my butt and hit the gym since she is begging to go the minute her eyes pop open. I’ve started back up my weight lifting program that I was into before I got pregnant with Jake and I love it! I used to hate the gym because I was never really sure what to do once I got there. I hate hate hate to run and never seemed to be there at a good time for the classes. Now though I look forward to the gym because there is nothing better than challenging yourself to load up a heavier weight on the bar and finding out that you can actually finish (barely) your set! On my off days I hit up the yoga or pilates classes to help stretch out my muscles and relax. I did yoga almost obsessively for most of my pregnancy with Jacob and I have ipressed myself with how much I’ve improved over the last year. I love it!

The only real poopy thing in life right now is how Jake is sleeping! I have accepted the fact that I just don’t birth babies that like to nap or sleep well at night (at least the first year or two) but some days I feel I am slowly dying from lack of sleep! Most of the problem is that he is entirely too interested in the world around him during the day to stop and nurse a full meal. I’ve tried all the tricks but he is only interested in doing a quick snack. Therefore he makes up his calories at night when there is nothing going on. Little bugger! I remember Harper doing this and know that I just have to hold tight and one day he will not require food all night. I try to just enjoy the middle of the night snuggles because soon they will be over.   I just wish I could convince them to nap during the day so I could! Jake takes 2 naps a day about 45min each….if I’m lucky. What do my kids have against sleeping during the day?!

Oh well at least they are cute 🙂

1095 Days

Baby Girl,

You are officially 3 years old. Over 1,000 days have passed since we first laid eyes on the screaming little girl who would turn our lives upside down and inside out….a little girl who would show us what the truest love feels like.

This past year was one of extreme challenges with your daddy being gone. I knew it was going to be hard….and it was….but you handled the upheavel so well. You amaze me every.single.day. Many days ended with one or both of us in tears and fustrated with each other, but part of me misses that special time when it was just you and I. I was so blessed to get so much alone time with you before your little brother was born. I will always cherish those days. You were my little sidekick and travel buddy….It was amazing.

So who are you at a big 3 years old? You are an open sweet little girl who LOVES everyone! It amazes me that you are such a social butterfly considering you refused to go to anyone but mommy for the first 2yrs of your life!! I never imagined there would be a day when you would happily run off to play with kids or other adults with barely a nod in my direction! You are a bundle of energy that pops awake at 6:30 every morning ready to run downstairs, throw open my door yelling “morning mommy!!!” and start your day…..you definitely get that from your daddy because mommy needs a lot of time to wakeup and get going! You are a little girl that loves anything to do with princesses, pirates, tinkerbell, puzzles, and the zoo. You ask to go to the zoo every.single.night when going to bed. Luckily your daddy is an early riser and loves the zoo as much as you! It has become your special outing very week.  Your other obsession is with violins! You love anything that looks like a violin and request to watch Mr. Rogers Violin episode repeatedly. You have even started demanding to listen to “your violins” in the car (ie- any classical music). I guess it is  time to look into lessons!You are fully potty trained and require no help. You go to sleep at 7pm without a fight and sleep a full 12hrs most nights (except for the occasional nights of night terrors!)….amazing considering how your sleep patterns were the first 18mo of your life! You know all your letters (upper & lowercase) and their sounds. You know your colors and shapes (even hard ones like trapezoid and hexagon!). You can count to 20 and write your H’s. The speed you pick up things amazes me everyday! You have even learned to sight recognize your name, Jacob, mommy and daddy!

You are the most amazing big sister. I knew you would be great at it but you far surpassed my expectations. You are crazy about your little brother and he is crazy about you. I have found the most amazing sound that will almost bring me to tears…the sound of the two of you laughing and giggling at each other. My prayer is that you are always this close. Being a “military brat” means that friends will be always changing as we move every few years, the one constant in your life it your baby brother. Cherish that relationship.

I have struggled with this birthday harder than your other two. I couldn’t pin point what exactly was tearing me up until the other day it came to me. This is the year that you put your first little toe out of my nest. You start preschool in a few months…the first time I will drop you off somehere and leave expecting someone else to mold your little mind. You are going to do amazing…I have no question on that…and you will love every minute of it. I can’t wait to see you learn knew things and I hope you keep your love of learning, but it shows me just how much you have grown. This is also the year that all your activities change from being “mommy and me” classes to just a class for you. The smallest of steps …just inches but it is the beginning of you becoming a self-sufficient individueal who will one day jump from the nest and head out for your own. It is amazing to watch and experience…but bittersweet and emotional.

The most amazing thing I have ever done was become a mommy. I am so happy that I have such an amazing kiddo as you to practice on! I’m sure your brother appreciates it! 😉  Your little voice asking for “kisses and hug” or “a cuddle” can make a bad day a million times better. Your daddy and I feel like we do not know what we are doing 90% of the time but seeing you thrive tells us we must not be doing too bad!

I love you to the moon and back baby girl! Happy 3rd birthday sweet baby!!!!!!

Harper’s Birthday Party

What a weekend!! I am exhausted and ready to sleep for a few days (yeah right!). Harper’s birthday party was a blast even though illness hit almost half of our guest list on the day of. We had way too much food for those that came but it turned out perfect with the kiddos that could come….honestly it would have probably beena little too crazy if everyone had come! J

After giving Harper a few different theme ideas she chose a pixie party because she is in LOVE with all things tinkerbell. She watches the movie a million times and is always running (flying) around the house looking for her sister periwinkle. Too cute! I love planning parties and entertaining so once I had the theme I went with it.

I am not a big fan of favor bags at kiddo parties. It always ends up being stuff that kids look/play with for 2 seconds and then either litters tha car or gets tossed. With that in mind I decided to have costumes for the kids that went along with the theme that they could then take home with them for favors. For the girls we had tutus/wings/wands to make them into little fairies and for the boys we had pirate capes with swords and eye patches. It seemed to be a big hit with the kids taking turns being pirates or pixies (or a mixture of both!). Hopefully they were a hit at home, and if not…well what can you do?! 😉

 

I love the look of a big dessert table so we had all types of sweet treats load the kids up on sugar (I’m stingy with sweets and my kids but on birthdays they can go hog wild!). We did attempt to “close down” the sweets table at one point in the party after the kiddos had eaten plenty…..but we later figured out that Harper was sneaking downstairs and grabbing cookies which she later handed out to her friends when we were not looking. Sneaky little thing! The sugar highs were hilarious to watch, the kids were practically vibrating! 😉

 

 

 

The crown jewel of the sweet table was Harper’s crazy big birthday cake! I love to bake and often make cakes for Dan to take to work so naturally I wanted to make Harper her birthday cake. I couldn’t decide on which flavor to go with (funfetti or chocolate) so I decided to do my first tiered cake and have both! However my cake recipe makes a TON of batter so after I made the chocolate cake I still had leftover batter. Batter is not allowed to go to waste in my house so a third tier was added to the cake! We had enough cake for over 100 people (wedding portions). The bottom tier was funfetti almond cake with raspberry filling, the middle was chocolate cake with nutella buttercream filling, and the top was chocolate cake with chocolate chip buttercream filling. Delicious! I covered it all with a Swiss Meringue Buttercream which is harder to work with and melts easily but tastes soooo much better than American buttercream! We cranked the AC down as far as it would go and prayed for the best. It had some slippage (so by the end of the party it was a pretty tilted cake!) but it survived and by the end of the party we only had about 1/3 of it left! Guess it couldn’t have tasted that bad! 😉

 

For most of the party we just let the little ones run around in our playroom. I did have an art station set up for the little artists to paint their own fairy house or pirates chest and we pulled out bubbles for extra fun! It was nice actually having people come to our house to play! Most playdates we go to are on the other side of town where all our mommy friends are (we moved to this side of town last year to be closer to Dan’s work but I wish we would have stayed on the west side so we were closer to Harper’s activities!).

 

 

 

The most shocking thing about the weekend was that almost my entire family came down!!! Everyone stayed at our place (tight fit!) and it was the first time my family has actually stayed in the same place like that. Crazy! Our family dynamics are….interesting….so I was curious on how it would play out but it was great and I loved getting time to catch up with everyone. They are all insane (isn’t everyone’s family?!) but you gotta love them! 😉

Now it is time to take down the decorations and attempt to clean ththis amazing mess of a house. I’m also going to need to pawn off a lot of sweets or I will not be playing in a bathing suit this summer!!!