It’s That Time Again!

Time to make some resolutions!!! 🙂

Most people groan & roll their eyes when someone mentions resolutions…but I love them. My type-A personality loves a little challenge! Last year I made 4 resolutions and I was successful in 3 of them. The fourth just lost it’s appeal to me 😉

This year my goals all have to do with organization! Every since I had Harper I have struggled with keeping things organized and having my day planned. I see all these other stay at home moms with their days planned and activities/projects arranged in advance…I NEED that to be me! Being a type-A I fill my house & computer up with lists & calendars but I just haven’t found a system that truly works for me. I feel like I’m floundering around and it is driving.me.nuts! With Dan leaving in a few months and me having to take on all parenting/household duties I am going to need the help more than ever! So..

Resolution #1 – Get life more organized!!!

I’ve started already by setting up a better calendar system that links all our calendars (dan, mine, harper, family events, etc) together so I can get a quick picture of how the month will look. I also devised out a household cleaning schedule to help me get it all done during the week. I can not do a huge clean with Harper around because she demands too much attention (and she is a tornado destroying the path behind me) so usually Dan takes her once a week so I can try to get as much done as possible. With him gone that just won’t work! I’ve broken it up into 2-3 small tasks a day so I can stay on top of things AND still enjoy playing with Harper. (Deep cleaning will be left to a maid service twice a month….one thing I must have while he is gone!).

I also went through and set all our financial goals for the next year and arranged our budget throughout the year to achieve them. Dan does not even pretend to understand my complex budget system (it is a little crazy)…but it works and it lets me make sure that we hit our intended targets for retirement, college savings, vacation funds, etc..each year. Once upon a time we didn’t budget at all. We paid our bills, set aside some in 401k/savings and everything else was pure fun money. Then when disaster hit and we both lost our jobs at the same time I had to do a quick 180 and figure out how to budget us as a family to keep our emergency fund from running out. It still scares me to think how close that fund got to $0 before Dan got his job at Northwestern. Plus in that time I saw how much money we were throwing away on stupid stuff! If you don’t budget/track your expenses I HIGHLY recommend you do it for two months…you will be amazed.

Now I just need to figure out how to better organize my days/weeks. I need some sort of routine! We have Little Gym on Tuesdays and I need to start looking into swim classes and another activity for the summer. I like knowing that I have something planned with Harper most days of the week. Help keep the cabin fever from setting in! I really really wish I could make some mommy friends here in SA but so far I just haven’t found a group that I click with. Blah!

Resolution #2 – Improve on the resolutions I succeeded on from last year!! (Gym & Healthy eating)

Dan and I joined the gym by our house a few months ago and I.Love.It! It might be the only thing saving my sanity some days as a stay at home mom. Two hours of blissful “me” time. We are still having problems with Harper enjoying the childcare center (what is wrong with this child?! They have computer stations, jungle gyms, basketball courts, play kitchens, movie area….it is Awesome!) so I have mostly been going when Dan is home to watch her. After the holidays though I am going to make a point to take her every single day until she starts to enjoy it (that will happen right?!). I hate driving there only to get called down to the center after 15 min because she won’t calm down….but I am going to have to suck it up in hopes that one day she will want to go and I can get a good workout with her there! I have met and exceeded my goal weight….but there is a LOT more toning that needs to be done! 😉

I also want to improve our family diet even more. We successfully cut out HFCS and most processed foods (we loosened up over the holidays and my body has shown me how much that crap hurts you!). I want to slowly increase the organic produce we buy and really look into getting our chicken from a local farm. I really miss the Chicago area in this regard! The farmer’s markets here are a joke….I dream about the one close to our condo in Chicago…and my in-laws garden….hmmmmm…..

Resolution #3 – Volunteer

I am extremely lucky to not have to work right now and enjoy the time being home with kids. I do however want to find time to do some sort of volunteer work. I don’t really have any ideas on what type of volunteer work I want yet….hopefully it comes to me! 🙂  I keep meaning to look into the officer’s wives club on base, I’m sure they have lists of places in need of help.

Resolution #4 – Keep working at “unplugging” from the TV/Internet!

We have gotten a lot better about it since my last post…..but I have found myself sinking back in with all the holiday craze! 🙂

And Last….

Resolution #5 – Take a cooking class! Specifically look into a pastry making class 🙂

I really enjoy cooking now (I know those that have known me for a long time are shocked! I am too!). I’ve been branching out lately in my baked goods and I would love to take a class on making difficult french pastries. Dan’s coworkers are really going to hate me!!!

All right there are my 5 resolutions for 2012! I type them out here to keep myself accountable! Hopefully I can hit them all in the next 12 months 🙂  What are your resolutions?

Goodbye to Another Year

Christmas is over and we are just a few days away from saying goodbye to 2011 and hello to 2012. It seems to be the most common phrase on this blog (and in my life..) but I can’t figure out where it went.

I can’t say 2011 was my favorite year. It started off with losing one of the most important man in my life. It has officially been more than a year since I last saw my grandfather. Longer than any point in my life. We are coming up on the first anniversary of his death….and honestly it still hurts just as much. I still break down in tears at random times when it hits me…he is gone. I HATE that he isn’t here to see the amazing little girl that Harper is turning out to be. He would get such a kick out her. According to my grandmother she is 100% a little me. She came out looking just like her daddy but she is now a spitting image of me at that age….and she seems to have a lot of my mannerisms. I would have loved to hear my grandfather’s opinion. Everyone says time heals….I guess it just hasn’t been enough time. The one shining spot is that my grandmother has climbed her way out of the darkness that became her life after he passed. Her health is on the upswing and she has returned to the grandmother I remember. I am SO thankful to still have her & get to see her enjoyment with Harper. I may hate San Antonio & look forward to our next PCS……but I cherish the extra time I get being so close by.

So much happened this year. Our lives completely changed in many ways. We are now a military family facing it’s first deployment. We live in a place we can’t stand (and can’t move from for at least 18 more months…grr!). Financially we are finally taking big breaths, relaxing our shoulders, and having a bit of fun after the crazy of 2010. We are parents to a sweet, gorgeous, fun little TODDLER (I still can’t get over that!). I’m still a full-time stay at home mom…which neither of us planned on but we both love and don’t want to change.

Last year on New Years I sat in our condo alone, sipping a small bottle of champagne, with a sleeping baby in the next room. Dan was at work and I had several emotional “new mommy” moments. I hated seeing 2010 go. This year my cousin & her family will be staying with us and Dan has the night off of work. This year I am a little excited to see 2011 go….I’m ready for a new start. I want 2012 to be another amazing year I never want to see leave. 2011 was a year of limbo….2012 will be a year of change.

One part of military life that has been hard to deal with is not having complete control over your life. For most things it isn’t that big of a deal. I hate where we are stationed now but luckily I know it will pass & hopefully we will be on to someplace great (Germany, Italy, England, Japan…agh! I hope so!). Other things are hard to swallow though. For most families when they decide they want to start trying for kids they just….go for it. There might be a little planning as far as timing goes (teachers aiming to sync maternity leave up with summer vacation, etc) but they are small factors. For us it is different.

Our original plan was to try to have kids 18-20 months apart…but the timing of Dan’s training and COTS threw a wrench in that. Then like most families we decided to wait until we knew what his deployment window was. Many military families don’t put off things like kids due to deployment. Those women are stronger than I am. I just can’t stomach Dan not being home for those first months. We decided that we were ok with him missing the pregnancy but we wanted to aim for him to come home in time for the birth. When we got his original deployment window we figured out when we could start trying. Luckily it gave me extra time to hit my pre-wedding weight goal (which I did & exceeded by 2lbs!!) and enjoy being a mommy to one amazing little girl. Now though his window was pushed back so our plans got rerouted once again. BLAH! I’m tired of putting something so big on hold. I want another baby…Dan wants another baby…but we both desperately want him home for the baby!!! If things work out perfect there is still a chance he would miss the actual birth by a few days but we have decided it is a risk we are ok with. He would be home within a week or so and we don’t want to push it off any more. We had a VERY easy time getting pregnant with Harper but I am terrified that baby #2 will take longer and we will end up having to wait until after he gets back from deployment.

There have been sooooo many pregnancy announcements in my life lately and I am so excited about all the new little babies headed this way…..but I am also a little jealous! 😉  I am ready to get a big belly again & experience another (hopefully!) med-free birth. I am ready to see Harper as a big sister….oh I am so ready for that. I am ready to wrap a new squishy on my chest and fall asleep next to sweet baby breath. I am ready to see us go from an amazing family of 3 to an amazing family of 4. I am ready…and tired of waiting 😦

Reality hits

It has been a little over 10 months since we dropped Dan off at Officer Training in Alabama. 10 months learning all the ins/outs of the military. 10 months that we have enjoyed all the little perks that military can bring.

10 months of waiting for reality to hit. Deployment.

While we were given a “window” of when deployment could happen pretty early we still weren’t sure of 1.) if he would go…not all nurses are needed during their “window”, 2,) when he would actually leave, and 3,) how long he would be gone. The unknown has been driving the “must have everything scheduled and planned out” side of me absolutely insane.

The waiting is over.

Dan received the call over the weekend from his CO telling him she had received his deployment orders. We knew we should be seeing something around the holidays so the minute I heard his tone of voice I had a pretty good idea what the conversation was about. The rock dropped into my gut and I tried to prepare for it. When he hung up he turned around an told me his leave date*…..while I wasn’t thrilled about the subject the good news was he was heading out later than we originally thought. We both got excited because this meant that his deployment was only going to be for 4 months! Any deployment sucks but 4 months is totally doable!

I was feeling pretty good and Dan headed to work to pick up the paperwork. Then he called with the bad news. They decided to change his “window” of deployment so his actual time will be 6 months. WHAT?! It was a double shock because notice had went out that this round of deployment was for 5 months total (if you got sent for your entire window). We are still not sure how the heck he got an extra month added on. All in all it was a HUGE blow to go from a shorter than expected deployment to a longer than expected deployment.

I’m not going to pretend I took the news easily. I cried. I *might* have thrown something. I sent crazy texts to my BFF.

Even though you know going in that deployment will be a way of life it is easy to pretend it won’t happen to your family. You keep holding on hope that you will turn on the TV and hear that it is all over….everyone around the world is holding hands and singing kumbaya (hey imagination is great!)….everyone is coming home. You ignore reality until you can’t anymore.

I gave myself 48hrs to feel miserable. I threw a pretty impressive pity-party. Only 48hrs though. Fact is it is reality. One we signed up for knowingly. It could be worse…much worse. I have friends who faced 12-18 month deployments. My husband will be working in a military hospital not heading out in humvees . I know where he will be. It could be worse.

I’m still terrified though. While safer than other military deployments he will still be in a hostile war zone. I have learned that google is NOT your friend. 2hrs of googling the base he is headed to and I was a basket case. NO MORE GOOGLE! I am scared that I am not strong enough to do what is needed here. How can I parent a crazy toddler 24/7 by myself? Most of my friends live in different states…..the ones that do live within a few hrs have jobs/boyfriends/wives/kids. My family does not live close by…I have only met a few other military wives and haven’t really clicked with anyone yet. My support system isn’t too strong. Suddenly I am going to be in charge of raising our daughter, running the house/bills, and being a landlord for our condo in Chicago….all without my wingman. It is going to freaking blow. I am exhausted even thinking about it!

I know I will do it though because I honestly have no choice. I have dreaded this news but now that it is here we can finally move on with plans. Everything has been on the backburner while we waited for these dates…..vacations, babies, school, work, etc. Now at least we can actually plan things out!

I am going to focus these last few months on enjoying my family being together. Giving Harper plenty of daddy/daughter time and making memories that will get us through a long 6 months. I’m also cheering myself up by planning several fun trips to see friends during the time! Everyone knows I live to travel and I hope it helps the time fly! I’m hoping to have one thing to look forward to each month 🙂  My BFF will be flying in to be with me when he heads out so that should help the first month, then I’m planning a trip to see her in CA another month, a trip to Maine/Boston/PA to visit friends, a trip to Chicago for a few weeks, and possibly to the gulf coast. Gotta keep busy!!

** For obvious security reasons I can’t post the dates he will be leaving or where he will be going until after he is gone**